Friday, June 1, 2012

Tribe

I believe in a tribe.

One of the most important lessons I learned in my adult life was taught to me at a very young age of only 20, and it was that we get to choose our family, our people, our tribe.

I've read that Aries are the most loyal of all the astrological signs. That we are loyal to a fault. For me, this has always been true.

I recently read someone saying they have learned that when they bring truth, others bring it too. When they show up as who they truly are fears, brokenness and all, others show up as themselves as well. I can not tell you how much this resonated with me.

I believe we are here on this earth, in our own journeys to be witness to one another's stories. I also believe this is the most precious and important lesson for each of us to learn. If we can stand witness to one another completely without expectations or judgment amazing things take place. When we show up without judgment to one another we create a space for love, joy, and healing like none other. All of us have our own stories and these stories make us who we really are.

If we can bear witness to these stories for one another, we allow people to be who they need to be, who they were meant to be. And when we are who we really truly are meant to be, we make the world a better place. A more kind, accepting and authentic place.

As a lesbian who knew at a very early age I was different I immediately went inside myself and questioned my self worth. I was so very different inside of a family who's beliefs were so different than mine that I felt unworthy, not enough. After years of self work, soul searching and self forgiveness and love, I knew none of that was true.

I knew if I could be my authentic self in all moments of time that love would prevail in spite of our differences. That even though my family and I are quite different we could love each other for who we really are as people regardless of who we choose to love in our own lives. When my mother passed away and I felt so very lucky to know she loved me. She loved me for me and not just parts of me but me in my entirety.

When my mother passed it was not only a true testament of who her tribe was, there were so many people there to say goodbye to her. It was also a true testament of who my tribe was. In my deepest and darkest moment of losing and having to say goodbye her my tribe showed up. They were there and sat with me in my grief and loved me hard and deep.

I was not raised with much of an extended family so my family unit was quite small. Yet there were always lots of people around us growing up. I always believed I learned about a tribe from a friend but I think really I learned it from my parents.

I choose my tribe carefully and once they are in I fight for these people with all that I am. I have friends who I have known since ten, past lovers, family members, friends who I met at different times though out my life. These are my people. These are the witness to my life. And I work very hard at being a witness to their lives as well.

Sometimes it isn't easy. We might feel like we have done something to one other that hurts or doesn't seem fair but in the end we work it out no matter how hard because we decided we are each others tribe and we don't abandon that. We give 100% even when it feels like we should give up. Even when we don't understand the other one because we show up without judgment and we trust.

This week has been hard for me. Really hard for me. Not knowing where my next paycheck would come from and if I was going to have to move or not. It was also a wonderful week for me because I was reminded of what an awesome tribe I have. That I am okay, loved and taken care of. That I will always have a place to rest my head, and always have people who love and care for me. So even though my job situation is uncertain I know it will all work out and that what matters is that I have been true this week and in return my tribe was real and true for me too. For this I am full of gratitude. I feel like the richest woman in the world.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Reflection

One of my favorite things we do on vacation is sit at dinner and just talk. It always brings us back together amongst the travel stresses.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Our Weekend

It started with a rainbow on the drive up


and wildflowers all over the sides of the road

with this little guy just hanging out waiting to say hello


breakfast every morning at the lovely hannagan meadows lodge
the cutest navigator a girl could ever ask for


more flowers that melt my heart
beautiful hiking
me happy as a clam








Monday, August 22, 2011

What I've learned...


Today is the second anniversary of my Mother's death. This morning my Dad and I went to visit her grave and put yellow daises on it. Daises were my mother's favorite flower.  I took this picture of wild daises in Ireland, along the water.  When I took it, and as I see it now, I feel like it's a reminder that my Mom is still with me.  The past two years have been this constant ebb and flow of sadness and grief, mixed in with some of the most joyful times I've ever had in my entire life.  See, this is what I've learned from losing my Mom, the harder I grieve, the more space I open within myself for joy too.  The more I allow my body and my spirit to move into the grief, to let it sit for as long as it needs to, the more I walk away with a new larger space to love, feel, laugh, and allow joy into my life than I did before.  Losing my Mom has downright sucked.  I miss so many things about her, and this is the stuff that will just never go away.  I expected this, sort of, but never thought it would be this hard.  I can sit here and write pages about how much I miss her, how much I wish she was here. Today, I decided to just say Thanks Mom.  I have received gifts in the last two years that I believe could only have come from my Mom, and for this I am so incredibly grateful. I also just want to say, I see the gifts, the constant reminders of her being close and I want to say keep them comin'!

Friday, June 24, 2011



Amsterdam
Amsterdam was so lovely. I'm very behind in posting but finally I have a few moments to do so. I loved Amsterdam. So far, it has not been my favorite of the trip but I don't blame it on Amsterdam. We just so happened to be there on a weekend, and over the weekend of a Religious holiday Europe celebrates though no one knows why. It's funny, everyone was happy to have the long weekend but not a single person who lives in Europe could tell us what the holiday was or why it is celebrated. This holiday made Amsterdam very busy and crowded. It was my first experience being in a city where cars, motor bikes, and bikes all have the road and then come the people on foot.  It's was a little unnerving for me to get used to. It was a struggle to get places because we walked and wanted to look around everywhere we walked being new in the city. But, we also had to be on constant guard for all the moving objects and remember we are not first on the pecking order. It made for busy days but still very beautiful days. We did lots and lots of strolling through the canal streets to see the houses, boats and bridges. We did museums, parks, and of course a ton of cafe coffee drinking. We learned Dutch food is bland and their beer is wonderful! As with Germany and Austria, the coffee is like nothing we have ever had. It really is that good.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Thank You Germany!!

this is the lovely "old town" of Nurnberg.

we left germany today, and we are now headed to austria for seven days. i will miss germany. i loved the poople, quiet but friendly. the two cities we visited, frankfurt and nurnberg were lovely. i loved the mix of old and new, modern and quaint.  we would sit outside at a cafe and be surrounded by locals, sharing tables with strangers, everyone trying in their own way to connect with each other. how wonderful it was to witness. both city centers had large cobblestone walkways with shops and cafes that were car free zones, what a difference it was to stroll through the cities and not worry about traffic. there was a slower pace to germany, and this i hope we adopt and keep for the next two months we are traveling. i actually finally feel like i am on vacation, and it feels pretty wonderful!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Frankfurt, Germany







We are finally in Europe. No sleep for over 24 hours, arrived to cold, rain, and wind, but don't care one bit. We've been planning this trip for four months and we have finally arrived! It feels great. Could be delirium, but I think it is pure happiness.